Tuesday 15 September 2015

Tuesday 15th September 2015

Editorial

There seem to be a plethora of bell-ends around at the moment. Choosing one is like shooting fish in a barrel.
Is it just me, or is the world going mad? Is everybody in the world turning into a twat? It's like a fucking pandemic. Everywhere you look; everywhere you go - there are dicks coming out of the woodwork.
When I was younger, you just had the odd one or two. But nowadays it's like every other person is crying out to have a baseball bat around their head.
Read on for my latest sampling:

The Bell-Ends

Jeremy Corbyn



Where do you start with this utter anus? He's an absolute smorgasbord of bell-endism.
How did he even get to be leader of the Labour Party anyway? He's fucking ancient. His five-year plan must be not to die.

Anyway, this is a man who looks at this country - over-populated; bursting at the seams, with an infrastructure straining under the pressure of too much demand - and goes on a march crying out for us to let more people in. He doesn't bother flying our flag while doing it, to show what a caring nation we are. And he does it while ignoring the thousands of soldiers sleeping rough on our streets after having risked their lives so this bell-end would actually have a street to walk down.
Why does this surprise me, though? This is a man who wants to dismantle our army and any means of defending ourselves.

He wants us to have more allotments. His idea for our future is to turn Britain into an episode of The Good Life.
He believes that talking to radical groups is the answer. He wants us to call them friends. I wonder if he'll feel the same while his "friends" are chopping his head off and uploading the film to the internet?

He wants to share the Falkland Islands with Argentina. I wouldn't be surprised if he was spotted pissing on the graves of the soldiers who died re-taking the islands when they were invaded.

Perhaps he says these things because he's reached that age where people just roll their eyes and say, "Oh, it's just Jeremy."

Friday 11 September 2015

Friday 11th September 2015

In Memoriam


Fourteen years ago today, more than 2,000 innocent people were killed in a series of cowardly and cruel attacks on the United States. Today, we should remember those poor souls whose lives were snuffed out so violently.


I think it's safe to say that those responsible for this abberation stand among the world's biggest bell-ends of all time. To commit such a heinous crime upon innocent civilians who did nothing to deserve it is evil, pure and simple.


The Bell-Ends

The following MPs were ordered to pay back wrongful expense claims. According to IPSA, the Independent Parliamentary Standards Authority, the following bell-ends had their debts written off. Thanks to the BBC News website for providing a comprehensive list with the amounts written off.
Barry Gardiner (Labour, Brent North) - £77.30
Caroline Dinenage (Conservative, Gosport) - £13.50
Charles Hendry (Conservative, Wealden - until May 2015) - £87.60
Chris Skidmore (Conservative, Kingswood) - £125.00
Clive Efford (Labour, Eltham) - £79.20
Daniel Poulter (Conservative, Central Suffolk and North Ipswich) - £229.62
Edward Timpson (Conservative, Crewe and Nantwich) - £127.70
Frank Dobson (Labour, Holborn and St Pancras - until May 2015) - £7.50
Frank Roy (Labour, Motherwell and Wishaw - until May 2015) - £63.37
Guy Opperman (Conservative, Hexham) - £161.09
Ian Mearns (Labour, Gateshead) - £10.00
Joe Benton (Labour, Bootle - until May 2015) - £309.15
Julie Hilling (Labour, Bolton West - until May 2015) - £75.30
Khalid Mahmood (Labour, Birmingham Perry Barr) - £36.00
David Mowat (Conservative, Warrington South) - £35.00
Laurence Robertson (Conservative, Tewkesbury) - £27.00
Michael Meacher (Labour, Oldham West and Royton) - £27.00
Paul Farrelly (Labour, Newcastle-under-Lyme) - £28.00
Peter Bone (Conservative, Wellingborough) - £40.17
Sian James (Labour, Swansea East - until May 2015) - £193.00
Stephen Barclay (Conservative, North East Cambridgeshire) - £62.75
Stephen McCabe (Labour, Birmingham Selly Oak) - £27.00
Stephen Williams (Liberal Democrat, Bristol West - until May 2015) - £209.18
Stewart Jackson (Conservative, Peterborough) - £7.50
Tim Yeo (Conservative, South Suffolk - until May 2015) £10.00
Tobias Ellwood (Conservative, Bournemouth East) - £26.50

How can we trust people like this to make decisions that affect our lives? They may cry that what they did was legal - and it may very well be. But, is it moral to abuse their expenses as they did? I would say not.

These people should not still be in office. They have been proven morally bankrupt, and should be removed immediately.

Wednesday 27 May 2015

My Local Prezzo

Here in West Bromwich, we have a local hero named Dave Heeley. Those of a less PC bent call him Blind Dave. It’s an epithet that makes me cringe, although he doesn’t seem to mind it.

Despite his handicap, Dave has done a lot of fantastic work for West Bromwich Albion’s charity, The Albion Foundation. This year, he became the first blind man to complete the gruelling Marathon des Sables, a 160-mile run across the Sahara Desert. As if that wasn’t achievement enough, less than two weeks later, he completed the London Marathon.

To us Yam-yams (people from the Black Country), he is a treasure; a genuine hero, with a special place in all of our hearts. He ranks right up there with the late, great Jeff Astle.

So, it was a source of outrage and dismay for us to learn that he was refused entry to the Prezzo in West Bromwich town centre because he had Seamus with him. Seamus is his guide dog.

I could not believe it when I heard about the incident. It’s bad enough that something like this could happen to any blind person; but to treat Dave Heeley like this is disgusting. That man has put more into this town than Prezzo ever has or ever will. Give us a choice between Dave or Prezzo and we won’t even hesitate – Dave every time.

So, fuck you, Prezzo. Get out of our town; you just outstayed your welcome.

Tuesday 17 September 2013

Society

That's right - society. All of us. Because we have allowed ourselves to degenerate to the point where a 4 year old child can be allowed to be beaten and starved to death right under our noses, and nobody has the courage to stand up and start asking difficult questions.
Daniel Pelka was seen by doctors, police and teachers who couldn't possibly have missed the signs - i.e. bruises, facial injuries, broken arms and scavenging for food - but such is everyone's fear of responsibility these days that no one opened their gob and really challenged his mother about it. Now, that poor child is dead, and his blood is on all our hands.

We have a culture of spineless authority, where people are more interested in covering their backs and protecting themselves than doing the jobs they are being paid way too much money for. There are silver-spooned weaklings running the country who allow this to continue while ignoring the erosion of law and order and the breakdown of society.

Our prisoners are overcrowded because they're too nice. If prisons consisted of a cage and the bare minimum of food I guarantee you the number of repeat offenders would plummet. Think how much money could be saved by bringing back the death penalty. Who among us wouldn't want to see Jamie Bulger's killers hanging from a gibbet? Or Baby P's killers? Daniel's? The list goes on and on, and it's growing, because there's no deterrent anymore.

We're all to blame. We let this happen. So we have to be nominated as bell-ends; I would suggest we would even win the award for Bell-end of the century.

Monday 1 April 2013

Peter Bowers

This man is one of the people who are supposed to be protecting us and our children from the evil bastards in our society.
Judge Peter Bowers is a Crown Court judge and a first-class bell-end.
He's a shining example of just how far out of touch our so-called ruling classes are with reality.
This is the man who last year described a burglar as "courageous".
TWAT!!!
His latest act of bell-endery actually beggars belief, though.
Mark Martin is a paedophile. He was already on a suspended sentence for possession of child pornography, and he was brought up on the same charge in front of Peter "Dickhead" Bowers.
Now, prepare yourself for this one, because this is going to be one of those moments when you shout, "What the fuck...!!!!!", and then almost vomit with rage.
Here we go. Are you ready?
Bowers let him off, saying that Martin would "suffer badly" if he went to prison. So he let him walk free.
I know. WTF, right?
God forbid Martin would suffer badly in prison. We can't have that, can we? We don't want him to suffer badly. No, we'll reserve that for the children in the filthy pictures he likes to look at, shall we?
People are SUPPOSED to suffer badly in prison, you toffee-nosed, upper-class TWAT!!!!
That's the whole point of the fucking place. It's supposed to punish people, make them suffer badly, so that they stop breaking the law.
My God! We trust these men with keeping us safe. I wouldn't trust most of them with the remote control for the telly.

Joan Rivers

How dare she!
How fucking dare she!
This trout-lipped, dried-up husk of a rat-woman has been insulting our Adele; calling her fat, and when asked to apologise just calling her fat again.
Cunt!!!!
Adele is one of the most talented singer/songwriters in the world. Rivers looks like a Barbie doll that's been left a bit too close to the fire.
I guess when you're a comedian that's not funny anymore you have to start insulting people. I've noticed that, actually. When people want to cling on to fame even though their careers are in the toilet they start insulting others whose careers are still going strong - see Jordan. They're like junkies, willing to do anything to just get that one more hit.
And Joan Rivers's face does look like it's had a fair few hits, doesn't it? And with all the botox and face-lifts I bet it feels like Lance Armstrong's nut-sack.

Justin Bieber

Bloody hell! I'm beginning to wonder if I should rename this page "The Biebers".
He has made the roll-call again today.
He's been banned from the Passage Club in Vienna, which is one of Europe's trendiest night-clubs.
Apparently, he looked on while his minders smashed up mobile phones and groped girls.
This little tosser is becoming a walking ASBO, but with the disappointing lack of gangs with baseball bats wanting to fuck him up.
This castrated little spunk-monkey should be grounded by his parents and sent to bed without any tea.
It is, and will always remain, one of mankind's biggest mysteries how he managed to score with Selena Gomez. She is this gorgeous, sexy, mature, talented woman; but by some abomination of nature she actually allowed that posturing little freak to shag her. How the fuck did that happen?!!!!
Was it pity? Charity? Was it a charade in which she was paid to appear with him but never actually slept with him? If so, I hope she made sure she was well paid.
Whatever the details, by all appearances, Justin Bieber managed to bump uglies with Selena Gomez. The runt of the litter somehow managed to get at one of the best teats.
The world's gone fucking mad, I'm telling you!